


the plot chickens

by ramvne



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bad Jokes, Bisexual Hunk (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), I'm Bad At Tagging, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), M/M, Memes, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Keith (Voltron), Online Dating, Online Friendship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags May Change, Texting, Trans Female Character, Trans Lance (Voltron), Trans Male Character, Trans Pidge | Katie Holt, but before that everything is black & white, when you touch your soulmate for the first time you can see colour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2019-10-23 03:02:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17675210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramvne/pseuds/ramvne
Summary: lambsauceLOCATED: oh hey everyone :)lambsauceLOCATED: it's nice to finally meet you all !Shirogane: Hello Lance's friends. It's nice to meet you too, Mr. Lambsaucs.Shirogane: *Lambsaucegayass: stop texting like a dad old mansharpshooter42069: dadkin





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this was started impulsively i only have a vague idea of the plot so yeehaw let's go

you have made a new chat !

name this chat ? 

> yes  
no

name: weenie patrol

done ?

> yes  
no

invite members ? 

> yes  
no

members: sharpshooter42069, peanutbutterbitch, gayass, Shirogane, etherealqueen, lambsauceLOCATED

done ?

> yes  
no

 

***

 

(4:20pm) sharpshooter42069 to: weenie patrol

sharpshooter42069: blaze it

gayass: what the fuck is this

sharpshooter42069: a group chat

sharpshooter42069: duh

gayass: why am I in it

gayass: it's not even 4:20 for me anymore

sharpshooter42069: because ur one of my bestest evew fwiends uwu

gayass: don't talk to me or my 27 husbands ever again

sharpshooter42069: ;(

gayass: lol

sharpshooter42069: no but seriously

sharpshooter42069: remember how I said I was gonna make a gc w all of my close online friends

sharpshooter42069: I finally actually did it

peanutbutterbitch: fucking finally

peanutbutterbitch: I've heard all of lance's train wreck stories with all of u and I'm ready to meet the mans, myths, legends

sharpshooter42069: guess I'll die

lambsauceLOCATED: oh hey everyone :)

lambsauceLOCATED: it's nice to finally meet you all !

Shirogane: Hello Lance's friends. It's nice to meet you too, Mr. Lambsaucs.

Shirogane: *Lambsauce

gayass: stop texting like a dad old man

sharpshooter42069: dadkin

Shirogane: I like texting like this. It makes you uncomfortable, and it looks professional.

gayass: die

etherealqueen: hello ! I read up and I love this group chat idea, lance :)

sharpshooter42069: ur the only bitch in this house I respected

etherealqueen: uwu

gayass: who tf even r all of u

sharpshooter42069: !!! let's do introductions

sharpshooter42069: name, pronouns, anything else u wanna say

lambsauceLOCATED: sounds good to me ! I'll start :D

lambsauceLOCATED: my name's hunk (he/they) and I know lance irl ! we go to the same school :)

gayass: uhh I'm keith (he/they) and I have a knife collection it's really cool hmu if u wanna see  
sharpshooter42069: it's actually a really cool collection tbh

gayass: thank u

peanutbutterbitch: hi I'm katie but most ppl call me pidge I use she/her and uhhhhhhh watch naruto

sharpshooter42069: thank u for ur wisdom, lesbian

Shirogane: I'm Shiro, I use he/him pronouns and I'm currently engaged to my two boyfriends.

sharpshooter42069: u got engaged to curtis ??! why didn't u tell me ????

sharpshooter42069: I feel betrayed ;(

gayass: ?? u didn't even tell me when did this happen

Shirogane: Last night, I didn't have time to tell anyone. Sorry.

gayass: smh apology accepted

etherealqueen: I'm allura and I use she/her ! I live in england and I'm legally obligated to use owo and uwu unironically because they're cute

gayass: understandable

sharpshooter42069: u all already know me but I'm lance (he/him) and uhhhhh I wanna hold a Boy's hand

lambsauceLOCATED: come over bro I'll hold ur hand

sharpshooter42069: bro

lambsauceLOCATED: bro

sharpshooter42069: anyways so how is everyone uwu

peanutbutterbitch: only allura is allowed to uwu everyone else gets fined

sharpshooter42069: úwù;

peanutbutterbitch: PayPal me $38 bitch

sharpshooter42069: no

gayass: completely unrelated from anything in here but I'm not good with a lot of people at once so I might go mia in the chat for a while

gayass: just warning

lambsauceLOCATED: it's no problem !! there's no obligation to staying in the chat if it's a mental health issue :) take care of yourself first

peanutbutterbitch: so far I've decided I love hunk

peanutbutterbitch: what a sunshine

lambsauceLOCATED: :D

sharpshooter42069: loving hunk day is every day

gayass: I've only known hunk for about 15 minutes now but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this chat and then myself

lambsauceLOCATED: please don't

gayass: ✔read

lambsauceLOCATED: :(


	2. cishet pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith and lance are cishet icons uwu

(7:44m) sharpshooter42069 to: gayass

sharpshooter42069: hey keith I need ur help w smth

gayass: what's the something ?

sharpshooter42069: ok so listen up it'll b funny

***

(7:48am) sharpshooter42069 to: weenie patrol

[sharpshooter42069 changed the chat name to: cishet pride]

(7:48am) sharpshooter42069 to: cishet pride

sharpshooter42069: I love being cis and heterosexual

lambsauceLOCATED: yo what

gayass: I would never be caught dead being seen anywhere in the close proximity of a man. my no homo game is that strong.

sharpshooter42069: same !1!!1!!1!

peanutbutterbitch: I'm not even gonna ask

gayass: we're just showing off our pride that we're cisgendered and heterosexual

gayass: nothing wrong with that

peanutbutterbitch: ur username is literally gayass but go off ig

sharpshooter42069: I think straight people should have a pride month

lambsauceLOCATED: lance, ily, but please shut up

lambsauceLOCATED: it's too early for this rn

sharpshooter42069: I can't believe this heterophobia

peanutbutterbitch: then die

Shirogane: I leave my phone to charge for ten minutes.

gayass: u should know better shiro :P

gayass: @etherealqueen will u go out w me

etherealqueen: no

etherealqueen: I'm too lesbian for u

sharpshooter42069: I thought u were british

gayass: sksksksksksks

peanutbutterbitch: omg he even brought out the straight person keyboard smash

lambsauceLOCATED: this is the doomed timeline

lambsauceLOCATED: I'm going to class now bye

sharpshooter42069: coward

***

(7:17pm) sharpshooter42069 to: cishet pride

sharpshooter42069: lol april fools

lambsauceLOCATED: go the fuck to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey forgot this fic existed lmaooo don't expect me to have a strict posting schedule
> 
> anyways happy april fools y'all


	3. oopsie doopsie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a widdle psa heehee

ok so uhhhhhhhhh i kinda hate voltron now, have for a while, and i kinda forgot abt this fic anyways im just letting anyone that may care know that i aint gonna b updating this anymore. stan haikyuu, given, and kimetsu no yaiba instead for good health <3

also im abt to post a haikyuu chatfic so if u guys r interested in that :eye emoji:

**Author's Note:**

> these will get better as i go along promise
> 
> tumblr: @rayllum
> 
> twitter: @pissmoths / @yuujilovebot


End file.
